It is #babylossawarenessweek and 94% of the people who follow me are women, and the vast majority are aged 25-34, which is why I‘m sharing this. For it to be normalised, but never trivialised.
Three months prior to this photo being taken, we had found out at a scan that the baby we thought I’d been growing for the past 10 weeks had in fact stopped growing three weeks earlier. There were no warning signs and no particular reason we’d gone for a scan that afternoon, apart from wanting to see a beating heart (because first trimester can be a terrifying time, if you’ve been pregnant, you’ll know). At the time, very few of my friends were even thinking about having kids, most were trying to prevent them, so I felt completely isolated and spiralled into a bit of a black hole. It was hands down the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. “It happens to one in every four pregnancies,” they said, not realising all that did was make me feel stupid about being so upset about something that was passed off as “so normal”. I then had to make choices of how to get rid of a pregnancy I didn’t want to get rid of at all.
That’s when I found @tommys_thebabycharity and signed up for the Royal Parks Half. I was so overwhelmed with emotions on the night before the race that I didn’t sleep for a minute, but I dragged myself through the fastest half I’ve ever run because the pain of running beyond my capabilities numbed whatever I was feeling inside.
Fast forward to six weeks after this photo was taken, and I was pregnant again. This time, it resulted in the girl who makes every day a lot better.
But I’m still painfully aware that one in four pregnancies end like my first one did, and to those going through it, those who have gone through it, or those who will, I just want to say; It gets better. I promise. But it takes time. And you’re allowed to take that time, you’re allowed to grieve and you’re allowed to talk about it with your mates, even if you know they won’t have the answer. Whatever you do, don’t try to suck it up and end up fake smiling like I did, whilst raising money for a great charity, but not telling anyone exactly why. Just talk to someone. I promise it’ll help.
